The Struggle of Feeling Alone and Overwhelmed

I was as alone as I had ever felt. The IV machine beeped, and the hallway lights were dim. Nurses and patient techs moved quietly across the corridors with their rubber-soled shoes while I sat silently at my son’s bedside. I missed my husband, my kids, and my dog, but mostly, I missed the way things used to be — before the mystery illness struck my household. 

The nights were the worst. The hours ticked by when I should have been sleeping, but instead, I tossed and turned on the hospital sofa while I battled my racing heart, deeply held fears, and feelings of abandonment. The overnight hours provided enough quiet to let my mind wander — to all the places I didn’t want it to go.

Wrestling with Doubts and Fears

What if? Well, isn’t that just the start of every loaded question? What if the doctors can’t figure this out? What if he gets worse? What if he doesn’t ever get better? Like most people who suddenly find themselves in the role of caregiver, I was full of questions and acutely shy on answers.

It wasn’t long before my heartache and exhaustion led me to ask questions that really drummed up the fear in my heart. Why, LORD? Where are You? Why don’t You hear my prayers? Day by day and night after night, I poured out my tears and questions. I cried out to the LORD, but it seemed that I was met with nothing but a deafening silence — rejection of the worst kind. It felt like God didn’t even deem me worthy of a response. And if even God wasn’t with me, then I was truly alone.

The feelings of abandonment overwhelmed me, and instead of continuing to seek God, I allowed distance to grow in our relationship. Time constraints and caregiving duties led to my absences at Sunday worship and weekly Bible study meetings, but it was my hurting heart that caused me to step back from the LORD instead of running into His open arms. Without being regularly immersed in God’s Word, I felt increasingly separated from His love. 

The Nudge to Return to God’s Word

Friend, are you in that place right now? I know caregiving can feel lonely and scary. I will not soon forget the many moments of anguish as I searched for a way out of the darkness. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity of silence, I felt a nudge from the LORD. He didn’t answer my prayer in a way that I expected, but He did plant a whisper of His voice in my heart: “Return to My Word.”

I felt alone in my heart-wrenching pain, but the truth is that God never left me, abandoned me, or ignored me, and the good news is that He hasn’t left you either. Returning to His Word was the first step I needed to take to get to solid ground, and I want to help you do the same.

Is it possible that you have become your own enemy? Are you, in your state of despair and overwhelm, speaking untruths right into your own heart? Instead of listening to all the noise of culture, well-intentioned friends, and even our own voices, we should listen to the LORD. Friend, what is it that God says about you? 

Understanding God’s Unchanging Truth

Let’s look at some of His Truth:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

— Psalm 139: 13–14 

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 

— 1 John 3:1

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

— Zephaniah 3:17

The Bible is clear: God created you, He loves you, and He rejoices over you. When you are swamped with feelings of grief, disappointment, or even despair, center yourself on this truth: You are loved, you are valued, you are a precious child of God. 

I know firsthand how hard it can be to hold onto that good news when we are faced with unrelenting hardship. Friend, I also know the comfort that comes from returning to the Word of God when it seems like life doesn’t make sense anymore. 

Holding Onto God’s Promises in Difficult Times

Let’s go back to scripture and read about God’s assurances: 

And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified. 

— Acts 20:32

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

— Jeremiah 31:3

When we forget to rely on the truth of God’s Word, we get turned around, lost, and confused. The LORD wants you near to Him, my friend. You are his most beloved daughter, and He will never leave you alone in your suffering. When you are struggling and heartbroken with no idea how to move forward, go to Him. Seek His Truth in His Word. 

God’s Steadfast Love Through All Circumstances

I know it can feel like the very ground is breaking beneath your feet. Caregivers are at risk for loss: we lose routines, predictability, freedom of activity, and sometimes even relationships and financial security. The challenges are real, and our hearts hurt with each loss. We live in reality, but friend, we stand on the Truth: God is good, steadfast, and dependable. He will never leave you or forsake you, but rather, He will build you up and His love will be with you always.

“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

— Isaiah 54:10

A Prayer for Strength and Guidance

Heavenly Father, thank you for Your Word which is true and good in all circumstances. Take me by the hand, LORD, and draw me near to You even in my suffering. Help me to remember to stand on the solid ground of scripture and to know that Your steadfast love shall never depart from me. Amen.

*All scripture references are from NIV